#im just mentally ill about them 🫠

[stillaclownlol]

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

[mwahmichelle]

🎀 goals i have before 2024 🎀

these goals aren’t necessarily things i want to achieve / be able to do by then. just things i want to get into the habit of doing :)

physical goals

1. go to the gym three times a week

im kinda cheating with this one cus i already do this, but i want to be more productive (?) when i go. i also want to set a plan for those three days so i dont do random exercises. (eg arm day: 10 sets of _ exercise, ect.)

2. stretch and use the massagers every evening

my parents recently bought a foot massage machine, a hand massage machine and a neck massage machine. i used them for around two weeks before i stopped lol. i did notice a difference in how much pain and stiffness i was feeling throughout the day, so i want to start using them again, as well as using their back roller and leg bands to help me stretch.

3. walk my sisters dog four to five times a week

walking her dog was so difficult in the summer because of the heat, so hopefully it’ll be easier now that the weather is cooling down :,) its unrealistic to say that ill walk her (the dog)) every night, so ill stick to a minimum of four days :)

study and work goals

1. work every day

sigh. i have a schedule where i work ~30-60 minutes every day, and 8 hours once a week. sounds easy. and it is. i just have problems with discipline, so i’ve been skipping a few days 🤥 that is not good, so i need to focus >:(

2. do homework the day its assigned 🗣️🗣️

in the past, i did all sorts of mental gymnastics to convince myself to do my homework the day before the lesson, but i end up just not doing it 💀 my teachers get pretty worked up about it, as does my mother lol. rightfully so tbh.

3. study ⁉️

i adore studying, so why am i not studying 🤨 makes no sense 🥱 lets get to it, mkay??

self improvement goals

1. self care sunday (morning…)

i have classes every sunday afternoon, but they’re pretty chill, pretty enjoyable :) the main issue with self care sunday, is that most of the time, i dont do enough during the week to deserve them lmfao. its like every day is self care day 🫠

2. explore the city twice a month

i moved to a new city back in february, and still don’t know anyone or anything abt it 😧 i need (!!) to get out more. like, no joke. with my busy schedule, twice a month is the least i can guarantee. its more than i’ve done the past 8 months 🤷🏼‍♀️

3. read and meditate every evening

this one should be easy, but alas. i’ve never been able to meditate, and reading every evening is difficult when u don’t have any books 😺 i shall try my best anyways…

yuh these are my goals ✨

i tried to make them achievable, so no excuses 😠

[cconfusedkat]

so something about your post on internet safety with this whole thing with the drama, you say stuff on like how to stay safe and stuff but then proceed to say that your taking a break bc your overshared?? like how does that work; you talk about not oversharing and yet you do and say ‘i’m prob gonna delete the app and take a break’ or something like that. genuinely how does that make since and also you say something about blocking people you don’t want to talk to, have you blocked airis? but in all truthfulness your cyber bullying a minor, your an adult and you should know better. not that i’m siding with anyone here im just wondering. and also possibly lying about not having good english isn’t a good idea, i may not know you but ive seen enough of your posts to know that you have some pretty good english, i dont know what’s happening in your personal life but on here you have some pretty good English and grammar. some of those words are really big for someone who has bad english, example, ‘Self deprecation’ and also blaming the your ‘bad english’ for something is just down right stupid.

like cool, there’s drama but just because your an adult doesn’t mean you can cyberbully people and get away with it. lets be real, you can drop what ever drama this is and quite literally forget about it. I’m being real here and lets be honest your not. (still not siding with anyone) i know airis said things they probably shouldn’t have and so have you, not to be rude or anything but you need to drop it.

yes, i know things here repeat a few times but that’s because i need to get my point across, you can ignore this if you want but honestly what’s happening between you and airis is messed up and it should stop before it turns into something that it shouldn’t.

also it’s extremely stupid all of this started because YOU got mad at them for venting, they didn’t ask for your opinion. i get that you had one but you could keep it to yourself. airis was venting to people they wanted to vent to that are in the fandom and she wanted to make aware. you could’ve kept to yourself and not said anything but you had to go put your nose into peoples business and start drama for no reason. YOU picked apart they’re vent just to start something.

you need to get some responsibility through your tiny adult brain and actually start acting like one. it’s so stupid how i know kids, literal children who act more adult than you and your what? 19? and you may think ‘oh well i’m only a year into adulthood, i’m still really a teenager’ well your not, where im from you can be held accountable for your actions, which your not doing. your getting so much support from people, which you don’t need because your not the one person who’s mentally health has been messed up from this. if anything airis needs more support than you do but no. everyone is taking your side for no reason, it’s just really stupid. how your getting support for the drama you started because you couldn’t keep YOURSELF in your own business.

You are right, I will admit, as I could've left it alone, however i still felt as it was important to point out some things 🫠 you do not know me ,and it is pretty bold of you to assume good grammar = first language English...? Thats my only complaint ill make here but ill take it as a compliment supposedly

and if its genuinely cyberbullying, then thank you for pointing this out against me, usually no one really points out the critics of another side so im glad you could point that out- my words tried not to mean harm, but if they truly did, then i can delete the posts involved and drop it all

I will not post about it any further, i know it has caused enough damage and i dont wish to put any further harm on aigis, you can hold me accountable for that as well

And i deleted that post a couple mins after (the oversharing thing( cuz i gen didnt think it was a good idea to keep up 😭 im shocked anyone saw that,, youre right on that

i will prevent saying anything else, this gave me a reality check and i am thankful for that, i often get heated and distracted so i know ive said a lot of hypocritical things already,, i have kept them blocked and i wont push anything further

I agree that aigis should have support i will not deny that either, im sorry

[kirindensetsu]

I don't have enough followers to play this game but I want to answer the question because I so stringently avoid thinking about my disability despite being real Too Crazy To Work.

1. I learned about Mad Pride in like.. 2016? But did not vibe with it because too therapized? And general Disability Pride sometime after that.

2. Hangin' out by myself in my big empty house with nooooo people! No covering, just vibes.

3. Big sunglasses. Too much length or intensity of sun exposure makes my psychosis worse. Also I get migraines without them but those are less bad than than my psychiatric symptoms.

4. No, they are perfect as they are, thank you Julbo and Savile Row.

5. I think? im good?

6. I mean nobody thinks the sunglasses are a disability aid they just think I'm a little Matrix/Trigun/Hellsing/etc freak.

7. I can't answer this because I don't have a community 🫠 I'm gay and trans but I don't go to that Pride either because I am too existentially Alone and it makes me sad.

8. *writhes sideways under the weight of my internalized ableism*

9. No, they always fucking suck. It's always "But you're so [smart/talented/whatever]!" And "Well [so and so] has bipolar and they can--" yeah, I know, I KNOW, every day I have to not think about it or I'll kill myself.

10. One time I had to go for an EEG to see why I was having seizures and the neurologist was my dad's shitty therapist's daughter and she looked at me and told me that there's no meaningful separation between software and hardware and when I think that way I'm just beating myself up.

11. Yes. Psychosis is mostly just the brain finding patterns where there are none but sometimes you and a stranger can get pulled into the same pattern if you have the same seed stimulus and a shared culture/mythology. Also validating to get clocked as a wolf sometimes.

12. White. I identify more with invisibility than with mental illness because I'm not in treatment and my whole life is structured to prevent anyone else from interacting with my symptoms in any way.

13. It's BORING. I spend so much time WAITING IT OUT.

14. Paralyzing fear of the dark in psychosis! I have two modes: "superior night vision, fearless, midnight hikes by starlight" and "the night is full of Horrors I must cover all reflective surfaces please walk me to the toilet"

15. This is dumb, but motion-sensor lightbulbs are extremely helpful to me. An extra layer of reality-checking help.

16. I want to hunt men for sport across the moors.

17. Tylenol and antihistamines.

18. My disability headcanon is that bipolar people have access to shrimp colors a la Van Gogh, I know that's not what you meant but that's how I'm gonna answer

19. New York State Psychiatric Institute babeeeeeey but there was no interacting, just being

20. I wish my IRL life contained more disabled people so someone could have told me that my attempts to ~*overcome*~ my disability were unrealistic but here we are. I spent seven years in undergrad and two doing extra grad school pre-reqs in order to....not be able to work any job because I can't act normal three days in a row! yay!

Disability pride month ask game!

When did you learn about disability pride month/when did you start celebrating it?

Are you doing anything special to celebrate disability pride month?

Do you use any disability aids?

If you have disability aids, do you decorate them?

If you don’t have disability aids, are there any that you would like to have?

Is there anything you consider a disability aid that others may not think of?

What do you love about the disabled community?

Is there anyone you look up to in the community?

Have you had any ableist encounters that were just kinda funny?

Have you had encounters where abled people were great allies to you?

Have you had a nice encounter with a fellow disabled person?

Which stripes of the disability pride flag do you identify with?

What’s something you wish people understood about being disabled?

What’s a symptom you have that you feel is underrepresented?

What would you have in your dream accessible home?

Do you play, or do you want to play, any kind of accessible sport?

What tips have you picked up for low spoon days?

Do you have any disabled headcanons?

Have you ever been somewhere where a majority of the people there were disabled?

Ramble about anything you like!

[soleeryx]

the hell yes and watson said rest and care will help heal mental and physical wounds 🫠 and that's literally what watson does for sherlock in the final scene (yep im mentally ill bc of them and what will you do??) POETIC

i love shta bc of all parallels between shco and awakened BUT in game parallels just kill me. the way john and sherlock build relationships (give me a game about their very firsts years?? i beg) is incredible

While we’re all busy being unwell out here, let me just place these images side by side for no particular reason and leave them for you to make of what you will.

[milogreer]

HELLO here are my incoherent thoughts on these kick ass playlists 💖 this is even longer than part one because i'm soooo normal about blake, milo, and morgan specifically. obviously. have fun 😇

elliot

this side of paradise takes me out EVERY TIME. ENOUGH

okaayyyy fourth of july? closing this playlist now-

RIBS?? rubs temples

frame the halves and call them brothers….

RUN BOY RUN IS MAKING ME SICK

no fuckin way you put sufjan’s fourth of july on here too. HELLO?

blake

sorry in advance ‘cause i fear. i will be very insane about this one. 2 hours and 45 minutes??

okay so i already said in previous tags that ‘the red means i love you’ made me grind my teeth together but i’ll say it here too. cause it’s true.

“i can fit two people under my skin […] you crawled up in there and joined me within” LOVE this song grrrr

monet issues ……… okay i am listening. “spent too many years finding myself in the wreckage under rubble, i got myself in trouble” “blood doesn’t mean a thing when you cannot fucking breathe and you lose yourself completely” IM DONE LISTENING.

STALKER’S TANGOOO A CLASSIC. no notes.

“and i found jesus, what a liar, so i trade licks with muddy waters” COME ONNN

FUCKIN SLEEPWALK?? holy shit i haven’t heard this song in ages. fuck this one is so good

stoppp stop stop saint bernard??? this song makes me CRAZY

an unhealthy obsession ✔️ another classic yandere song. “you’ve got those eyes that drive me crazy and i’ve got eyes to watch you sleep” 💀

THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED ON IDLE WORSHIP

BACKSTABBER OMG. i legit haven’t heard this song since i was a teen. fuck yeah. bonus points for the basement line gdkjghfkl

“i hear voices, i see visions / these spirits are your prison” ‼️‼️‼️

of course we must have meant to be yours. what yandere character playlist is complete without it

cold cold cold YESSS. GENIUS. “as the darkness falls, it fills up both my eyes / my life before me like a flash in the night” YES

this is love is going to make me start throwing things for REAL. “everyone that tried to fix me knows that i can’t change a bit / i’ve got no shame, got no pride, only skeletons to hide” RRRGGGG

sitting with brutus for a long time. many thoughts. also “as i set to face it, i’m unsure / should i embrace it, should i run? what motivates me, hatred? is it love?” GOD

‘bad idea right?’ mhm mhm nodding sagely

MY WAY OF LIFE. YOU GET ME.

AND SUPER PSYCHO LOVE WOOO. i love yandere songs <3

this took almost my whole lunch break but it was so worth it. tysm for this i can’t wait to be even more mentally ill about blake than i already was by listening to this in full lmfao

sam/darlin

oh my fuckin god francesca.... "how could you think, darlin, i'd scare so easily?" "my life was a storm since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?" STOP.

thank you for putting lil nas between two hozier songs bc i needed the reprieve honestly before de selby (part 2). this is sick

save a horse ride a cowboy my beloved <3

YOO FIRECRACKER. josh turner <33 ik sam is literally southern but it's still so fun to me when there's country songs on his playlists 'cause i feel like country songs are never on character playlists :') i love this

no but this is full of gems... tongues & teeth, we'll never have sex, arms tonight, the night we met, until i found you, i found ?? it just keeps going. NORTHERN ATTITUDE?? LITTLE LION MAN. CEILINGS. i have to get out of here actually

I'M DYING AT SHAKE IT FOR ME. how is this song from 2011 i feel SO OLD

sam

pleaaase please not family line again 🫠

bdg covered lay all your love on me??? this is sending me to the MOON

MMM ain't it fun is so so good. thinking

i think you had believe me in one of your other posts abt sam but mannn MAN. MAN I LOVE IT.

seeing jaymes young on playlists gives me ptsd like i KNOW whatever song it is is gonna hurt. and it did here too 😔

david

kind of really obsessed with this cover of make a man out of you

bahaha true love by p!nk 😭 sooo real. i love this song

[sees yellow by coldplay] HEY 🫵🏼 stop that!!

SAINT BERNARD AGAIN BRO. CMON

i don't know welcome home son by radical face but i know enough radical face to be afraid of that song LMAO

asher

hard times is such a banger for ash, like ... this energy with these lyrics >>>

wow i only know a handful of these actually 🫣 LOVE scrawny for him sm AND ELECTRIC LOVE<3

milo

MY MAIN MAN. RGHH. something so personal abt his cover having a cross necklace *_*

good old fashioned lover boy EXACTLY EXACTLY. i'm literally always saying this

listening to i can't handle change like this 😐🧍🏼‍♀️ why would you do this to me

hmm i wasn't sure abt sweater weather at first but actually yeah... yeah

oohh nothing is so sweet 🥺 like giving me a cavity sweet. i love it

wait i've been listening to this one as a real playlist and why did it take me halfway through everywhere i go to remember this wasn't just my liked songs LMFAO

rolling from would that i into bad idea right has me CACKLING. kind of a genius pick! really fun song from either POV honestly

WOMANIZER IS SO TRUE like sometimes i'm sorta picky abt referring to him as some kind of playboy but like . he's CHARMING. we all know this. he sure as shit knows it

oh fuck shut up and drive?? between this and animals on david's playlist i'm gonna act UP

hey speaking of nickelback LOL she keeps me up is such a fun song

HAHAHA VIOLET?? "looking through the peephole on the door of my apartment" STOP that's so funny 😭😭

hmmmm. slides habits onto my blake playlist.

us putting teeth on our milo playlists🤝 god this song rules

what the fuck did troye sivan put in this album?? "i feel like my mother might like you" 🥺🥺

jealousy jealousy !! "i think too much 'bout kids who don't know me" SHH. HUSH. finding out even milo gets self conscious was like a kick in the head

OH MAN CLASSIC IS SO GOOD.

vincent, vincent/lovely, & porter

speedrunning all them in one go cause i'm not super into these guys RIP

two birds is SICK it is sick and twisted on every playlist i've ever seen or put it on

extremely satisfied to see electric love on here LMAO opportunity knocked and you answered!

STOP WITH SUFJAN'S FOURTH OF JULYYY OW

strawberry wine ....... 🫠

oh my god and through me (the flood) wtf.

LITTLE TALKS. good god i was just shot back to my sophomore year of high school

oohhhh the busted wine bottle for porter's cover >>>

ok the first four songs on porter's KICK ASS. brutus in this context gives me goosebumps like crazy ("if you want i'll call you king, but why do i lie awake each night thinking instead of you, it should be me" GEEZ)

first time??? okay. i'm glad that's the end of this because that's so mean 😭

geordi

this luigi's mansion remix goes so hard

FUCK ABOUT IT >:0 my best friend sent me that for them a few weeks ago!! sick and twisted but so so tasty

songs i can't listen to is going to make me WEEP. AHHHH

literally the first line in i love you so gets me every single time for him 😐 and it's all downhill from there

vampire?? VAMPIRE? dog. you can't do this to me.

DIAL DRUNK YOU CANTTT DO THIS 😭😭

okay my girlfriend is a witch is making me giggle so you're forgiven LMAO

never mind you put be nice to me on here. "there's very little left of me and it's never coming back" WE'RE SO OVER

morgan

^ me rn opening morgan's playlist knowing i'm to blame for it. i’ve had dinner between morgan and geordi so i have ENERGY.

i only know once in a lifetime from the meme but “letting the days go by, let the water hold me down” ✔️✔️✔️ same as it ever was‼️‼️

DEAD MAN’S PARTY YESSS THE VIBES!!!!

ooohhhh what’s the time where you are !! i rly liked this one when i first heard it on milo’s (i think) & it fits rly well here too :0

murder on the dancefloor ✍🏻✍🏻

I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT STARING INTO THE TV SET 🎶🎶 FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE

argh i have GOT to listen to more of duo’s music ….

GIRLS ON FILM 👯‍♀️🎥

mad world??? “the dreams in which i’m dying at the best i’ve ever had” ??? this isn’t fun anymore 😐

you worry too much, you make yourself sad ‼️ you can’t change fate but don’t feel so bad‼️

OK OK I’M DONE. DOG THESE ARE SO AWESOME. the effort you’ve put into them is NUTS and they’re so gorgeous !! i had a blast listening and reacting to them hehe ty again for sharinggg and i am NOT sorry for inspiring the morgan playlist 😌💕

my redacted audio spotify playlists - pt one

alrighty gang, here we are! ive been teasing it for a while, but im finally making a post with the links to my redacted audio playlists.

the ones i have public are the only ones that will be included, i dont have my listener character ones public rn only because theyre based on my interpretations of the listeners and are very special to me.

anyways, lets get on to the fun part! btw, some of the songs on the ship playlists might skew a bit towards a gendered-ish feel. thats just based on my interpretation of the listener characters. the songs can still work in a gender neutral sense.

included in this; guy/honey, guy, the D.A.M.N. crew, gavin/freelancer, lasko/coworker, gavin, lasko, damien, huxley, elliott/sunshine

i will be reblogging this soon with the rest of the playlists, have no fear hjkfagfh

the playlists

━━━━━━

guy/honey

guy

the D.A.M.N. crew (mainly polyDAMN)

gavin/freelancer

lasko/coworker

gavin

lasko

damien

huxley

elliott/sunshine

[bubblegum-flavored-highlighter]

HHHHHHH THIS THIS THIS

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

[rainbowgod666]

The sillies...

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher